having blogged for so long, and i just wanted to update myself as to where in life i am right now. the last blog post, in which i said i was going to do something that would change my life forever, and i did that. and no, it didn’t change my life forever, so i’m glad. it did – for a while. it was just something that i have to do, because it’s been in my to do list for the last 7 years and i just want to do it and be rid of it. for a few days after i did that, i was scared and nervous and as if all feelings were rushed to me at once. and i was so scared that i would not get the answer that i wanted. and i didn’t. i didn’t get the answer that i wanted – but surprisingly, i was not very upset. i thought i would be so depressed when i get that, but no, i was alright, strangely. and now i know why – because i really just don’t care anymore. it’s not about the answer anymore. it’s just the fact that i stepped up and i took the initiative to do that, and that’s already enough for me, that is the proudest moment in my life, to be honest, i felt like i’ve achieved something that i never thought i could achieve in life, and i was so relived and happy that i did that. and that’s all that is important to me. i don’t care the answer anymore. it’s just some stupid image that i dreamed of, it’s not the reality, it’s just some false perfect scenarios that i thought would happen to me one day, like a fairy tale – but the truth is, it’s not gonna happen to me – not like that, and not with that person. and i’m so so glad that i know now, i’m so thankful for God for letting me know this, for letting me take the time and letting me experience myself and get the result myself to further prove to me that it is okay, and that it is really time to let go. and i did. and i’m so fucking proud of myself.
i am happy now in life. i know there’s so much in life that i really want, but i know it won’t just happen to me just because i wish them – i have to do my part well enough in order to achieve these. i will do the best of my ability to do my part well, and the i leave the rest to God, because only He has the control over every being, and i know He will look after me and always be there for me. to which i am really really grateful.
there’s that thing that i used to think i will never have or never be able to meet again in the rest of my life if i missed it this time – i was naive, because i feel like that is the best thing ever that has happened to me, and i will be devastated if that disappear – and you know what? it’s not true. things may seem like it’s the end of the world, it may seem like you will never find anything or anyone better than that – but you will. you will find someone whom you deserve, whom God approves and with whom you will be blessed with all the goodness in life. i know you will find that. and you will know it when you found it. keep your faith, and best of luck –